Saturn - the big bad in astrology. The big bad in life. The task master. The one planet that returns to your natal chart every twenty eight years and sticks his foot up your ass until you get on the path you are to be on.
Yeah, Saturn - he's a bad ass. Think back when you were 28 years old. What was going on in your life at that time? Big life changes? Decisions? Life? Death? You name it - it is there. When Saturn came back to me at 28 - yes he stuck his foot up my ass for 4 years. I was 28 years old when I found that I could no longer tolerate the love of my life and his inability to keep his pants on. This time, Saturn knew...knew all too well that I'd return to him again. Except this time. This time he (the ex) got someone pregnant and it was then I knew I could not pro-create again. And that it was time to get sober.
Which leads me to my story...life is not nor has ever been for the faint of heart. Especially when facing down with the Big Bad. When Saturn returns a second time to your natal chart it is generally around age 56, but the process begins much sooner as with the first dance with him.
It is this time when the Fates step in - and if you do not do something to change your life Clotho (the spinner of life) Lachesis (the one who stirs desire) and finally Atropos (the one who cuts the thread of your life). Atropos is the one to fear now, for she makes this life/death decision that you could not make.
Back in September of 2014, I lost a very close and dear friend of 37 years. Why? Because he could not accept the changes that life was forcing him to make. And Atropos cut the string of his life.
Last night a very dear, long time friend of 38 years died last night. She too, could not bear the changes that life was demanding of her.
Martha - we went way back - I mean really back. Her brother was my first boyfriend when I was sixteen years old. Although Martha and I were the same age, she always treated me as if I was younger than she (technically by four months). But she died - a week before her 55th birthday.
We celebrated her life today and I still in the process of feelings. It took a week before I could come back and finish writing this. Why? Because I had so much unfinished business with her and needed to come to a realization that what is done is done.
When I was seventeen, I was pregnant by her brother. However, their mother had died on my mothers birthday about 5 months earlier. She was adamant that I abort this child, this child I had already fallen in love with. She and my mother (who did not want to lose her live in maid, and my pay check for her drug use) had forced an abortion on me. It was the most devastating event of all the events in my life.
It was like a slaughter house for the unborn. I remember waking up during it and screaming at them not to take my child. But they did. And the damage was done. Never again would I be able to procreate. During our adult age she would say she was sorry, sorry that I never had the joy of having my own children in one breath, and in the second that she was not. Yet we were always there for each other when ever one of us were in need, even in the end.
Martha and I had a falling out a few years ago over her need for Vicodin. Her obsession for it and for me to get scripts for it (the strongest drug I that I take for RA is Tylenol) got so bad that I had to sever ties with her again. But in the end of her life she came to me, she was so lonely, so afraid. She felt abandoned by her family and friends. I tried to be there for her, I really did, but again she wanted my clonzapam and I would not cave. So we would talk and I would tell her that everything was going to be ok. That she just needed to hang in there. But alas, she could not.
She called me a few times in December, but knowing I had started a new internship that I was working very hard at, she let it go. And that is when she let go. And for that I am sad. For that I wish I had been a better friend, took the higher ground. Yet when Saturn came, she was willing to go...
When you reach this age, this very, very important time - be careful to look for the signs that something in your life needs to change. Otherwise, it will be changed for you, and not as you or your loved ones would hope for.
For when Saturn returns \you need to get it together or he will take it apart...
