The sins of the father....

Exodus 34:7                    
Keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.

My first question is "who comes up with this cockamamie crap"? Second is if this was written a few thousand years ago, why does it continue to permeate in todays society? The way I see it - being second generation and all in this country - why must the sins of this country visit me?

I originally was going to entitle this "The White Whipping Girl"; but with the NSA and such - don't want anyone breathing down my neck for stating truth. So why am I the "white whipping girl"?

I would like to know that answer as well. However, it is unlikely that that answer will be found. My story begins when I was seven. Since my parents divorce, my mother decided she didn't want to be one anymore and gave me that job. So I take my youngest brother to the local park to play. He wanted a drink of water and as I was lifting him up, I watched two other white children, a boy and girl tipping over filled cups of water. I had no idea who put them there or why these children felt the need to do this. What I do know is what happened to me because of it.

As my brother and I are leaving the park, I am confronted by about 12 or so black girls who tell me that I am the one who dumped over their water cups. I was confused and scared. I was afraid they would hurt my brother. When I told them I did not know, they take my brother from me and start pounding the shit out of me. And their parents looked on - and allowed it to happen. Why? Because they felt I was responsible for slavery in this country that my family was brand new to? Yes that is exactly why.

But it didn't stop there - it has continued up into my adult life as well. In junior high, the black girls would beat on me, steal my stuff and laugh at me for the pain they have caused me. Am I still responsible for the sins of this country? And if so - why do not the American Indians scalp the Spanish and English for taking their lands? And why do they not pour out punishment due to the "sins of the fathers"? I dropped out of school by the end of 10th grade due to other reasons.

Yet it didn't stop. I was working at an aerospace company in the early 90's and a man who was the head of the program but not my boss profusely punished me due to the "sins of the father". He would take me into his office and scream at me as if I were the person he was angry at and once he got it all out he would let me return to my desk. This happened so frequently that HR wanted me to file sexual harassment charges against him. That led to this man calling my home, sending me letters and sitting outside of my apt. building. When finally confronted with an ultimatum, I got fired for not doing what HR wanted of me.

When I had finally received my HUD that I had been awaiting for some time so that I could live alone and concentrate on my education more deeply, again, the sins of the father returned. This time it was my black HUD worker who told me I could not live where I lived (I did eventually return), it was too nice for me, and he wasn't having any of that. He forced me to move into a trailer park; into a trailer that, well let's just say the only things that worked were the water and the lights. When I told him I did not have to move, that the owners of the building in which I dwell, wanted me here - his response was "You have no rights - your rights belong to me". Now this story is much longer than I wish to go into, however, when really bad things were happening to me and I would call him - all he did was laugh in my face. Again, the sins of the father had be bestowed upon me.

For the last 3 years I have been asking for help to finish my education so I don't have to live on social services and can be dependent on my own means, the sins of the father visited me yet again. The man who was my rep at the DOR died right after I finished my BA. He promised me graduate school, the black woman who took his place denied me that. Told me I would never get to go there. I had to get a job. So I got one, the only one I could get at a fast food restaurant. So this woman decided that this is sufficient employment and says she is canceling any services I should get from DOR. Mind you, I have been disabled for 17 years now and have spent 8 years trying to get an education that I can do with my disability. Social security had told her that this was not sufficient employment. So now I become her dog. For two years this woman made me jump through hoops so that could get help. Well now that that program is coming to an end she had the audacity to have me see a psychiatrist. He was white and asked why I was there, there was nothing wrong with me. I explained that it was one more hoop I had to jump through.

This woman wouldn't even consider nor allow the neuropsychologist's report to be a part of this - possibility because I am well above average, and when I talked to neuro; his response was: "why is she doing all of this - you are brilliant". Maybe that is why. But again, I am living the sins of the father.

Last week was the last straw. While sitting in my supervision group and discussing a young man whom been referred to me, a black woman in my group says "Oh, he won't talk to you - you're white and we were taught to be afraid of white people". Really? And which white people were you taught to fear? Because it certainly wasn't my people, they lived in other countries and did not come here until long after slavery was over with. And not just that, but if one considers history - there hasn't been one culture that hasn't been enslaved nor enslaved their own people. So.....

And yes I am tired of being the white whipping girl...really tired of it.


FYI: the reason I did not used the politically correct term usage is due to the fact is that their are not from Africa, only their lineage as is mine is from other countries. I do,  however, have one aunt and two uncles from Nigeria and the two uncles that are here are indeed "African American".