The Bottom Line...

The bottom line - the last line on the page. The last thing said. But why the bottom line? Why not the middle line - "read between the lines"? Or the first line? Why does it all end in the "bottom line"?
Is it when we finally get to the end of what we are trying to say? If so why do we just not say it?

Are we afraid of the bottom line? Does it create a sense of fear of the unknown, one of a complete ending? But really - how many times have we said this and how many times have we had to say it to get to the "bottom line".  The end of the road, the end of the tracks - regardless, it is the end. At least we'd like to believe it to be so.

I have said this many times and had to say it many times over just to get it. But what happens when we have said this so many times that Fate must step in and take over? When Fate says enough is enough and the bottom line has dropped.

I believe that my recent bout of illness was due to the "bottom line". I had spent many months at a site only to relentless say to myself that this is the "bottom line" - this is the end of the line. I guess I should have taken it more seriously.

Now due to my recent illness, I have had to put many "over the top" positions on hold due to this need to get real. Yet the grace of Fate has made this ok, actually made me feel a bit special in my universe.

And what I have learned from the "bottom line"? Say what you mean and mean what you say. Also be careful of what you wish for (time off from life).

Cause you just might get it...

The bottom line...

Death by a Broken Heart?

Is there really such a thing? Death by the brokenness of one's heart? Surely this phenomena must exist. At least that is what I was told my the cardiologist during my current stay in the hospital.

Has my heart been so broken throughout the years that it felt the need to no longer go on?  It is possible that this is my real condition? Or is it simply just a condition of the heart?

How does one survive a lifetime of brokenness, and continue to go on as if nothing has happened? How many others can say the same?

I was asked when it started, this condition. Originally I had felt that it was due to the recent death of a very close friend of 37 years. I had not grieved so much since the death of my mother 10 years ago. And as per usual, I do as I always do - keep going and never looking back.

Yet I believe it started before then, and this event only exasperated this condition. And the irony? I fear sleep, since my return home. I fear this heart of mine giving up due to the many trials and mountains I have been made to climb, only to slide back down and start over. I have never feared sleep nor death. Neither are adversaries of mine, nor have they ever been.

Sleep now appears to be the adversary - the one thing I am unable to do. The one thing that I run from. Yet is it sleep, the darkness of one's mind being sheltered from the world or is it that this sleep may give in to the brokenness of my heart.

Death by sleep or of a broken heart...