Is there really such a thing? Death by the brokenness of one's heart? Surely this phenomena must exist. At least that is what I was told my the cardiologist during my current stay in the hospital.
Has my heart been so broken throughout the years that it felt the need to no longer go on? It is possible that this is my real condition? Or is it simply just a condition of the heart?
How does one survive a lifetime of brokenness, and continue to go on as if nothing has happened? How many others can say the same?
I was asked when it started, this condition. Originally I had felt that it was due to the recent death of a very close friend of 37 years. I had not grieved so much since the death of my mother 10 years ago. And as per usual, I do as I always do - keep going and never looking back.
Yet I believe it started before then, and this event only exasperated this condition. And the irony? I fear sleep, since my return home. I fear this heart of mine giving up due to the many trials and mountains I have been made to climb, only to slide back down and start over. I have never feared sleep nor death. Neither are adversaries of mine, nor have they ever been.
Sleep now appears to be the adversary - the one thing I am unable to do. The one thing that I run from. Yet is it sleep, the darkness of one's mind being sheltered from the world or is it that this sleep may give in to the brokenness of my heart.
Death by sleep or of a broken heart...
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