A new world...

Monday, September 9, 2013

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The grass is always greener on the "other side", everything looks different on the other side. What exactly is the other side? Is it like a side dish? Some thing that is just on the side or is it getting to the other side? Not really sure just yet.

I think that I have come to the "other side". The previous side was a means to get to another side, due to that side becoming lost in the phases of my life. And now that I am at the "other side" is it really different? Aside from test taking and endless days of study; the only difference of being on the "other side" is that it is now lays in the concept of application, and study is still inevitable.

So what does it mean for me to be on "the other side"? It feels so surreal as if I am watching someone else, but it isn't it is still me. Maybe because there is yet still another side I have not yet found. A side that still torments me, haunts me. Maybe I need to find another side in order to get to the other side?

Not sure...but what I am sure of is that one day...I will get to the "other side".

Wherever that other side may be...

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Valley of the Shadow of Death...

"Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow death, I will fear no evil" - once said by King David. Walking through the valleys of life, can sometimes prove to be a most wondrous of jouney's and others not so much. And how do we find our ways when the path is not so bright and wonderous?

I found myself wondering that for a while now. And why sometimes we must walk that same faithful walk of King David. How do we get to the other side? And once there will we be ok? Will we be able to be the person we were prior to this walk, or are we fated to become someone new? Yet the most interesting question is "why did we have to take this walk - one that at the very most uncertain"?

As I walked through this valley, which had been darken by death - I could not be sure of anything. I prayed to ancient diety to save me. But did they? Or was it simply just a universal fear of an Unforeseen God that saved me? What ever the case may be - I had to walk it one last time.

Although in retrospect, maybe I needed to do so in order to bring not just this, but other valleys to light as well. Life is funny that way; slam the past right into your face to force you to look at that which you choose not to see.

It started with a TV show that is shown only on Flix I started watching. The show is about a woman who has a "last chance" Angel who was sent to save her from the valley of death she chose to walk through. I am not a religious individual; but I do claim to be spiritually based in faith. As the show progressed, so did my renewed walk through my valley of the shadow of death, but not by choice of my own or doing.

And what I found was great release as well as relief. So many things that needed to be said, so many things that need to be brought into the light.So many secrets of abuse I was keeping to myself. While telling myself that it was ok, I'd find a way out. Yet the way it came about was so unique yet so intense. Why do we choose to keep such secrets - everyone does. Secrets that can have such a devastating effect on us.

During my journey through the darkest valley of death, there was only one aspect of my life that I had utter and complete control over and once that control was threaten - it threatened my very existence. I was shattered and unable to find a way to eleviate this madness. So I had decided to remove myself from this valley and found myself being removed from others as well.

I remembered one day, driving home and thinking about an episode I had reently had seen where Earl the Angel sought help from fellow angels to find his charge. They had created an energy force that touched everyone who knew this woman. Tbe looks on the faces of those touched - how I longed to feel the presence of an angels wings ladened with the love of God. As I pondered this very Hollywood aspect of the Divine, I found myself bathed in the most warm and loving light; while driving down the 405. It was the closest I had ever felt to the Divine, God, my God, the God I have know since childhood.

And then everything changed...

"And yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death", never again will I fear evil...

Monday, June 10, 2013

Missed the boat?

Missing the boat - what happens when we miss the boat - the one that everyone else got on but some failed to do so. So is it that we missed a boat? Or simply missed stepped milestones of our lives?
I think I missed the boat. I really do.

How many times did that boat come by and I just turned away. Did I think that I had found that one boat? The perfect one amongst them all? Hardly. I think back, wondering if I was meant to miss the boat - meant to be where I am today. And sometimes it makes me sad that I missed those boats. Because all I have now are memories of days long past, days where I watched the boats sail in and sail away, standing there knowing, the one I was on was never going to stay.

And I wonder where I would be now, had I taken that voyage - the mystery voyage of the unknown. What treasures would I have found had I not let so many pass by in lieu of one. One that could not resist crashing to the shore, leaving me there, unaware of the many wonders I missed out on.
Why do we miss the boat? Watch it sail away? Do we hope to find treasures in the one that beckons us to stay? And if so - what happens once the ship has wreaked, our worlds crumpled under the pressure of loss? Are we simple just left to drift upon a desert island, alone, awaiting for the next ship to pass by?

Or do we simply just become one of "two ships" that pass through the night...